Calm Yourself

Contrary to popular belief, senior year is chaos. I feel like I'm running around like a mad man. Every day there is something new to do. Yes, school is easier. But emotionally, being a senior is harder. I'm not sure what it is. It could be the college planning, the growing up, the grad parties, and grad gifts. I'm not sure what it is, but my heart and mind seem to be racing these days.

I'm on a kick where I don't want to be lazy. If I'm done with one thing, I move on to the next. I'm literally creating things to do just so I can be busy. Why? There's a million other wonderful things I could be doing besides being stressed. This morning, I've been praying and journaling for a calm heart. I need to relax. Yes, there's a ton of things that need to get done, but God will let me get them done in time. I also realized something this week: We are a world of imperfect people expecting everybody else to be perfect. How messed up is that? Why can't we all be more understanding? We are humans. God created us to be imperfect. That's the awesome thing about us... He loves us anyway, no matter how messed up we are. So, let's change the patterns of this world. Expect imperfection from people and love that about them. I need to learn to be okay when I mess up. I can't be perfect, no matter how hard I try.

This morning, I had a much needed quiet time and found that my "Jesus Calling" was right on cue. It talked about walking in a path of peace, and letting God direct your steps. I encourage everyone to find time to do something that soothes you. For me, it's quiet time at Starbucks, walking my dogs, and laughing with my mom. For you, it may be painting or running or reading or anything. But do it. I'm sure your heart needs to be calmed, just like mine.

Happy Thursday, everyone. 

Disappointment vs. Joy

Disappointment sucks. It always seems that disappointments come in groups. If it's one disappointment, another is bound to follow. I tend to be a list maker, whether it be in my head or in my planner. So naturally, I make a list of all of my disappointments. The list goes on and on, and eventually, I start looking for things that make me unhappy just so I can add it to my "list". Why do I do that? Couldn't tell ya. I've always been a pessimist, I guess. 

But today, I'm telling myself to be happy. I don't have to be everything, get everything, have everything (even though I always think I do). Disappointment is a part of life; you have good days and you have bad days. I've been lucky enough to have a really good life with really awesome blessings. But, somehow those disappointments always overpower the blessings. I can be surprised with a gift or spend the day with John, but the minute I get a bad grade, it all goes down hill. I'm sure a lot of you can relate. 

So now, I choose JOY. My life is in a bit of a transition phase (graduating, realizing who my real friends are, etc.) but it doesn't matter. JOY is what matters. So, in honor of my list making, here is a list things that bring me JOY.

-My Mom & Dad & Grandparents

- JOHN

- My puppies and long walks with them

- Eating healthy and feeling better about myself

-Coke (scratch eating healthy...)

- Gideon... especially my baby, Mukunth

- Blogs

- People having babies and finding out people are preganant

- Starbucks new sweet tea lemonade

- This weather 

- Wearing baseball caps

- Jesus Calling

My list could go on and on, but I'm sure you don't want to read about every single blessing in my life, since you have several blessings of your own. So today, I challenge you to choose joy with me. It'll be hard, but it's worth a shot.

(Thank you Leah Witham for some more senior pictures!)

PROM!

Prom wasn't quite what I expected, but still it was awesome, nonetheless. 

My advice to girls going to prom: Don't create the perfect night in your head. It won't happen. But that doesn't mean it won't be awesome. You won't have the magical moment walking down the stairs and you're date staring at you in awe (although he will think you're beautiful). You won't have the most romantic slow dance you've ever had (although you will slow dance). You won't spend the entire night with your date (he'll probably get distracted). But again, that doesn't mean it won't be awesome.

The morning of I attempted to sleep in but couldn't make it past 9:00. As soon as I woke up, the prom festivities had already begun. I packed my bag, bought food for the after party, got my hair done, and anxiously awaited putting on my dress. My mom had done my make up and as soon as she was done, I slipped into my dress. The dress was beautiful. It was the perfect shade of pink with pearls and silver. My grandma even said it was the kind of princess dress I used to dress up in when I was little. It was perfect.

John came to my house before pictures and boy did he look so handsome. He gave me my corsage (which was so pretty) and we took some pictures. The real group pictures came later. 

Our group had about 38 people in it, more or less. Yes, it was huge. But, going with such a big group made it more fun. There was no forced conversation, there were just lots of laughs and lots of pictures. Later we had the most delicious dinner (Nick and Sam's - heck yes) and boarded the party bus to head to prom. After some technical difficulty with the music, we made it to the dance. 

John and I danced like crazy. Usually dances are awkward and crowded and no one wants to dance. But, the dancing at prom was so fun. My favorite moment of the entire night was sprinting to the dancefloor to dance to "Come On Eileen" (Perks of Being a Wallflower, anyone?) John and I probably looked like idiots, but hey, I wouldn't have it any other way. Later that night, John won prom king. So yeah, I'm dating the prom king. ;)

The after party wasn't quite the after party I had envisioned (we laid around and later slept the majority of the time) but it was still fun. Having a sleepover with 30 of your best friends... what more could you ask for?

(Us in a nutshell)

Now that prom is over, I'm realizing that so is high school. All I have to look forward to now is graduation. I had quite a few sentimental moments:

1. Looking at John and thinking, man, I've dated this guy for almost 3 years and now he's my prom date. How lucky am I? And maybe even one day we can even tell our kids about it (maybe)

2. I looked at all the kids I grew up with and realized just how much we have grown. Like, seeing my first grade love and how he looked like a man. All the boys looked so nice and grown up... 

3. Knowing that I will never have another prom. So, make the best of it. 

Prom had quite a few hiccups and things that didn't go as planned. But it's okay. I hope that one day when I look back on prom I think of all the happy things, like corsages & John & my dress & how beautiful my friends looked & dancing like a bunch of goofballs. 

Happy Monday, everyone. Oh, and hook 'em!

See ya later, Lariettes!

Carl & Mack. Best lieutenants I could ask for.

Lariette team and officer tryouts for next year were held last Friday and Saturday. It was weird seeing the tryouts and meeting new girls knowing that I won't be on the team next year. After being captain for two years, how do I just walk away from it all?

Senior comes with several endings, but Lariettes may be the biggest ending of all. With the end of drill team comes the end of my dance career. Everyday someone asks me if I plan on dancing in college, and the answer is no. I'm not sure why I don't want to dance anymore, but I just don't. I've danced since I was four years old, so 15 years of dancing seems like enough. 

Although Lariettes came with it's fair share of drama and freakouts, I really will miss it. I may not miss everypart of it, but when I think back to high school, I'll think of those crazy stressful Lariettes times. It's time for me to say bye to 7 am practices (although I'm not too sad about that), no more whistle blowing, football games on the field, cheering for John, sore mornings (not sad about that either), white fringe, and high kicks. It's bittersweet to say the least. 

On the next chapter of my life (Austin, here I come!)

Bye Lariettes, you've been good to me.

"Where bare feet and sandy floors rule"

I'm so insanely lucky to have been able to go to Seaside, Florida over spring break. My awesome parents were all for the idea and off I went to Seaside with 7 of my best friends. 

Seaside was right out of a Nicholas Sparks book (The Last Song, anyone?). I was lucky enough to fly, so I got there a little earlier than the others. Pulling up to the house was beautiful. It was an adorable yellow house with white shutters right on the beach. We immediatly rented some cruiser bikes and rode nearly everywhere. 

The beach was pretty chilly some days, but we ended up digging a big ditch in the sand to lay in to get away from the wind. I managed to get a lot of sun (complete with a massive sunburn) and plenty of reading time (I highly recommend The Guardian by Nicholas Sparks... such a good summer read).

Spending time with the girls was just what I needed and we had lots of laughs. I love the idea of having a big family, so spending the week with them was like having a huge family of my own, complete with 4 moms!

In review, the week consisted of tanning, pb & j sandwiches, biking into town, buying lots of Seaside shirts, eating at food trucks, taking naps, staying up late, and eating reeeealllyyy good food. I tried calamari for the first and I loved it! I'm usually the pickiest eater around, but I came out of my shell a little bit.

So, all in all, Seaside was amazing. If anyone wants to chip in and help me buy a beach house down there, let me know. ;)

Happy monday everyone! 

The Problem with Birthdays

Everyone loves a good birthday. Lots of cake, gifts, and happy wishes. 

But, I've always been one to find birthdays somewhat depressing. Because it means you're growing up. 

Last Saturday, I turned 19. What? How did that happen? My last teenage birthday. Next year I'll be 20. Ew.

Since I was really young, I've always said that I was never going to grow up. I was going to be a kid forever and ever and ever and ever (my grandpa and I promised eachother we wouldn't grow up... but now I'm 19 and he's 70 something... so that didn't work out too well). Growing up is so overrated. What's so fun about being an adult?

As I turned 19, I asked myself lots of questions. Like how old is too old to be shopping in the teen fiction section of Barnes & Noble? Or when do I stop shopping at Hollister for jeans? Or when do I have to stop asking my mom to do my hair? Or when do I have to start going to the doctor by myself? Or when do I start to feel like a real adult? (Considering the fact that I still buy stuffed animals on a daily basis, probably not anytime soon)

Here are some things I would tell myself at different ages:

Dear 12 year old Madi, don't rush to be thirteen. Being a teenager is hard work. You change, you grow, you mature, and life gets alot harder. You'll deal with depression and friend & boy problems. You'll have lots of homework to do. So, enjoy being 12. Because life rocks at 12. You can ride your bike & watch Disney Channel & still carry around stuffed animals. Don't rush to be a teenager... it's a bit overrated.

Dear 15 year old Madi, there's no need to be 16 so quick. Yeah, you can drive and be a cool high schooler, but the times of your mom picking you up and taking you everywhere is over. You'll miss the times spent with your mom and the easiness of not having to worry about driving and who's picking up who. Enjoy being 15, because pretty soon you'll be pumping gas, backing up into people, getting tickets, and missing your mom. 

Dear 17 year old Madi, who cares about being 18? There's no need to be a legal adult. You don't need to go clubbing, buy cigarettes, or buy lotto tickets. So, be happy that you're only 17. Because it means you're still just a kid.

19 is weird. I'm trying to enjoy growing up, but I just can't. Pretty soon I'll be graduating and I'll be on my own. Life will be hard and I'll miss my family way too much. 

So, to those of you just itching to grow up... DON'T. You'll just wish you were a kid in the end. 

A few things I learned this week:

1. Jam sessions with John and Andrew are good for the soul

2. A bowl of fruity pebbles is always a good idea

3. The University of Texas is my school... WHAT?

4. I am really going to miss my dogs next year

5. Life has lots of ups and down

6. John is my best friend... but I already knew that.

Happy hump day everyone!