Vanilla

I was recently told I was "vanilla". I'm a sensitive person, so of course I took it personally. They really didn't mean to upset me, but it got me thinking and questioning myself. 

I've always been super self conscious. I think things like, 'I'm boring. I'm basic. I'm no one special.' Being called vanilla just reiterated those thoughts. I try hard to be different from the crowd, but I get uncomfortable being truly different. I like to be anonymous. I like to fit in with the crowd. It scares me to stick out. I get freaked out when people stare at me. I walk with my head down.

I will never be 'fixed', but I'm going to work on it. I am not basic or vanilla. Yes, I'm quiet and reserved and like to do things myself. But, I'm also complex, confident (working on it) and special. 

Living in Austin can be hard because everyone is 'different'. But in a weird way, they are all the same. They wear chacos, eno, play the uke, listen to hipster music, instagram artsy pictures. I will never fit into that crowd - I'm not a hipster, nor will I ever be. But, who cares? I'm a girl with an amazing family, boyfriend, and two super cute dachshunds who love the heck out of me. They love me for being the person I am. They know I'm not boring or vanilla. They know how I live my life and love the way I do. Maybe I look basic, but I'm not. And that is something college is slowing teaching me.