Authentic Faith

I've always struggled with the idea of being an "authentic" Christian. I didn't grow up as a sunday school kid, nor do I know all of the stories in the Bible, but I've always had a faith in me that knows there is a greater love out there. As I got older, I immersed myself in youth ministry, went on mission trips, and decided to get baptized. That was a time in my life when life was at it's brightest. But as I got older, I started to see beneath the veil that had me so intrigued. I realized that many Christians aren't authentic. I know that's probably not the best thing to say, but that's what it felt like.

Have y'all noticed that a lot of Christian's use Christian buzz words? Like "being intentional", "guard your heart", "pursue", or "He put in on my heart". I feel like everyone say's those words, without really understanding what it means. Or have y'all noticed that like, everybody does YoungLife? YoungLife is an awesome organization that does so much good, but sometimes I worry that people do it for the wrong reasons. Not for Christian reasons, but solely because everybody else does it and it looks cool. I've always felt like Christians were in some sort of a club. But even as a Christian myself, I never felt like I fit into that club. You have to be a certain kind of person, wear certain kinds of clothes, or work at a certain kind of summer camp. None of it felt real to me... it all felt like a show. That feeling sucks because all I want to do is have faith, but I question it because of other people.

Being in college, I've been around all sorts of people. People who are playing into that Christian show, people who aren't, and people who are simply Christians, living out their faithful life. I'm not innocent either; I find myself saying things I think people would want to hear as Christians. I say things that are maybe untrue about myself just so I can fit into that group. But, I've also been around people who don't play into that game. Like my roommates - Emily, Clara, and Taylor. I can see their genuine love for the Lord in every act they do. They are careful with their words, patient with life, and strong in prayer and journaling. Living with these three true Christians has shown me that there is much more to faith than being in a missional community or knowing books in the Bible. All of those things are great, but faith. Faith is so much more important than that.

I'm not exactly sure what being an authentic Christian looks like, but I'm working on it. I'm learning, I'm growing, I'm changing, and through all of that, I pray that God will show me. I don't just want to be the girl that went on mission trips, or goes to church on Sundays. I want to be so much more than that - I want to be real.